omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
