I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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