y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
