Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
