How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
