All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
