They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
