id be glad to
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
