I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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