I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
