i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
