no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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