The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize