If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
