your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
