She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
