i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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