My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
