you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
