Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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