You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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