don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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