thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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