If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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