Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
