i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
