dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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