i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
