im about as happy as oj after his trial
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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