I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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