i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
