I smell stomach acid.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
