hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
