we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
