wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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