yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
