I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
