I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
