she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
