Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
