someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
