if you like me you must not know who I am
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just had sex on a roof
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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