What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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