I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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