Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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