I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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