Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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