Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

Fav 23 5194 1211
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(770): View more from Georgia

Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

Fav 18 1550 4771
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(905): View more from Ontario

I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings

Fav 26 5191 1405
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(631): View more from New York

Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.

Fav 10 1846 864
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(541): View more from Oregon

Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least

Fav 5 1370 726
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(760): View more from California

I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?

Fav 23 2287 817
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(647): View more from Ontario

I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"

Fav 3 2326 650
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(706): View more from Georgia

He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.

Fav 0 106 6
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(224): View more from Illinois

Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.

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