so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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