I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
