my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
