i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
