they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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