Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
