It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize