SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
