Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
