watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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