his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
