why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
