i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
