I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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