that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sober January is a disaster.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
