just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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