Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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