why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
