Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
