I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
