I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
