Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
