It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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