my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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