I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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